The Morning After

Thank you for reading my first of what I hope to be many articles on APN. In case you missed the site intro I’m Kruegs lead commentator for APN. I hope with my articles to not dictate to you ideas and views about sex, but to have a universal conversation about the topic. Yes some people shove things in different places, but there are many experiences that many of us go through no matter who it is we decide to engage with sexually. So in that spirit let’s begin the conversation.

There's got to be a morning after
If we can hold on through the night
we have a chance to find the sunshine
let’s keep on looking for the light

Oh, can't you see the morning after?
It's waiting right outside the storm
why don't we cross the bridge together
and find a place that's safe and warm?

It's not too late, we should be giving
Only with love can we climb
It's not too late, not while we're living
Let's put our hands out in time

There's got to be a morning after
We're moving closer to the shore
I know we'll be there by tomorrow
And we'll escape the darkness
We won't be searching anymore

“There has to be a morning after” By Maureen McGovern is an iconic song from 1986. Reading these lyrics written by woman can be pretty insightful in and of itself. There’s one thing that’s really clear from the song, and pretty clear in real life, the morning after does in fact mean something. It’s a potential jumping off point for a new relationship. If you fuck and you stay till the new day you’ve said something to the other person which is basically “That wasn’t bad and I think I’d like more good sir”. Of course any mature intelligent person knows that it doesn’t mean there will be something, but we can be certain it means there’s at least potential. After you fuck in most cases it has really become decision time. You’ve seen the swimsuit competition, the evening wear, the Q &A session and you have to decide pretty soon if this is a winning candidate. If you waffle at this point you could find yourself in trouble. They could consider it just sex, or that it’s a serious relationship. Either way you’re just letting them delude themselves into what it is that’s fucking happening here.

So sound advice Number #1: If you fuck and you know this thing is going nowhere there should never be a morning after.

Damn it get your shit together and get the fuck out. You can be kind and cordial about it but damn it don’t let the morning sun hit you in that house. There are a million reasons to have to be home in the morning.

So getting that out of the way how do you deal with the morning after? Let’s take it first from the guest perspective. This to me is awkward almost no matter what. First off I’m hung over in most cases. Where’s the water in this place, and the cup to put it in? I’m in this foreign place and my head is pounding it’s fucked up. The fragrance is just overwhelming; the bathroom is an artificial valley of flowers, scented candles, potpourri, and incense everywhere. Why so many smells I ask myself. Are you making potions of smell and you’re on this never ending quest to find the perfect combination?

Really though you can’t fuck this up as long as you can act like a civilized respectful person. This person has already felt you deem able to spend the night with them, so you’re welcome up to this point. If you can manage to not piss all over the floor, or be rude to roommates, and respect this person’s property you’re in the clear. And best of all if you feel you made a horrible mistake you can leave and they don’t know where you live.

So what if you’re hosting? This can to be awkward but less so as being the guest. You’re in your environment and you know where shit is around here. Most people have a routine in the morning they need to feel human before they enter the outside world. So if you want to be a good host maybe you could offer some of these enmities to your guest. They probably would really appreciate that, offer them a tasty beverage, coffee, OJ, tea, purple stuff maybe. Also expanded access to the bathroom might be something nice to offer up, a towel, mouthwash, or even shower if they’d like. Personally I like the busting out of some breakfast in the morning if possible. Guys it’s a goldmine if you can make a money breakfast the next day for your lady friends. Its shows you’re not one trick pony, and you have that long lost trait in America, what was that again oh yeah class.

The other thing to consider is what about the morning after fuck? Must you confirm the night’s drunken activities with sober sexy time? I recommend it if you’re able to pull yourself out of the haze that was last night. It’ll tell you a lot about your potential new partner. Just how naughty are they, drunk having a good time naughty or full on hunter all the time. It’s good for your health too. Just 20 minutes of cardio a day in the morning can really increase your metabolism and energy levels for the rest of the day, and you’ll need that after last night.

Anybody else got any ideas on the morning after? Tips, ideas, situations, and most important nightmare stories.