Marriage and Cheating

Could there possibly me a more failed institution in America than the institution of marriage.  A couple of years ago we finally passed the point where more marriages fail than are seen through “till death do us part”. I myself am not married and as of this moment I don’t intend to. If I was gay I’d be the one guy that would be like fuck gay marriage, just to get out of the conversation for a lifetime. It would be so relieving to just tell my parents “I’m not married because the law doesn’t allow for it”. I’m kind getting to the point now where a lot of my friends are getting married and even some are having kids. Overall we’re a strong generation that for the most part held out till late 20’s to early 30’s to get married. All generations have their men that at a young age proclaim that they would never get married or have children, but none have lived up to it more than generation X.

Maybe being around a failed marriage when I was coming up jaded me from the idea of being married. Maybe seeing my brothers’ fail at marriage I thought it was some sort of genetic fail we have in the family. Possibly it was seeing the painful marriages of two people staying together for no real reason at all just to stay true to their word and their god. All those things may have played a role, but I think the biggest thing for me was when I first discovered fucking. Fucking changed everything when it came to the idea of committing on purpose to be only with one person forever. Why on god’s green earth would I take that away from myself? The bounty of ladies that Southern California has to offer and I’m supposed to only fuck one of them for the rest of my life.

Why do people cheat on their married partners? Most studies show women cheat because they lack emotional connections in their present marriage. Men cheat because we’re horrible flesh creatures that can’t resist the most base of human emotions. It’s an interesting paradox and what I really want to know is if this is the majority of cheaters how is it even possible these two groups find in each other anything meaningful? Most of this cheating must be with other people who aren’t married at the time. This makes sense to me since a lot of men I know don’t give a fuck if a girl is married as long as he doesn’t know the guy. I also assume a single man has more emotional value to a cheating wife because he hasn’t spent all his emotional fuel on his wife before coming over.

This shit is big business, bullshit competition site Ashleymadison.com has millions of members and is growing every day. The internet and mobile communication makes it easy to meet and arrange sessions. Not to mention that it is more and more acceptable to have open marriages now days. Swingers have been around for a long time and that group has stayed about the same percentage of the culture for years now, but the number of open marriages has increased over the last 2 decades. I see it in the kids coming up too; I’ve spoken with a number that tell me they have open sexual relationships with both partners agreeing to it. Finally America may be coming to the point where I’ve dreamed we’d someday get to.

This is my “have your cake and eat it too” philosophy of relationships and marriage. First you must consider what it is you would IDEALLY like. The answer to this should not start with the words “All I really want is”. No, this should be your best case scenario situation. Now be a fucken adult about this guys, no “Double jointed, pole dancer, with a culinary arts degree”, I want concrete relationship parameters. For example maybe you’re saying I really think S&M is hot and I’d love to be a slave for the rest of my adult sexual life. Great you’ve identified your sexual kinks. Now do you want to just fuck your wife all the time or would you like to fuck other women too. Now this will probably mean that she will also expect to be able to fuck other people. Relationships are two way streets people, and you’re gonna have to live with that. Maybe if she’s bi you can fuck girls together or guys if you’re bi, or swing if you’re into that sort of thing.

This goes beyond sex in my opinion. Recent studies have shown that more couples that live together are living in separate rooms now. Hell if you have means why even live in the same house unless you have kids? Couples are vacationing separate, going out with friends, and putting off marriage longer than ever before. It’s reality butting up against our naïve idealism surrounding romance. We are animals, really fucken smart animals but animals none the less. In nature the males are always trying to spread their seed to as many potential mates as possible. Very few animal species mate for life, and I think we’ve proven we’re not really “hard wired” like that. Fact is we idealize many of the people we care for in our lives. We make them into more than they are because of our attachment to them. Does this make us bad, no I don’t think so, but what it does make us is delusional. Let’s stop it and get over it and let’s tell the people we love who we are once and for all. Let’s live the lives we dream of instead of just settling for what we believe is available and acceptable to others.